I Could Be Better

This post is #6 in my September Writing Project. Details are here.

Prompt: What can you improve upon?

Can I just type “so many things” and leave it at that?

I have been told (more than once) that I am too hard on myself. I don’t know if that’s really true or not. I do believe there are many things I could do better though. 

I am not consistently assertive.

If I see something that registers as an injustice against someone else, I’ll say something. If I need to advocate on behalf of my husband or kids, heck yes, you’ll hear my voice. But when it comes to standing up for myself or asking for what I want, that’s where I falter.

There was a time when I was much better about this, and I still have my moments. But in general, I keep my mouth shut longer than I probably should in some cases. I hate confrontation and love peaceful encounters. Kumbayah and all that.

Sometimes I’m not much fun.

Spontaneity is not my middle name. I am a planner and a lover of routine. I am very adaptable, but don’t often take it upon myself to shake things up. Luckily, I’m married to a man who gets restless long before I do. 

This is also true with the kids. I love when we’re all snuggled up on the couch together, ideally reading a book. They like doing this sometimes, but I think they’d enjoy it more if I suggested changing things up more often with outside adventures.

My eating habits are crap.

I try to eat intuitively but it doesn’t always work. I am an emotional eater to some degree. If I’m a little bit frazzled, I like to snack. However, when I am really and truly stressed (about the big, life-altering type stuff) I forget to eat. I put way too much junk in my body and feel like making a salad requires an awful lot of effort for something that tastes like, well, salad.

The kids have helped here though. I want to set a good example for them, so we eat fruit together. Veggies are a work in progress. I make some kind of veggie with dinner every night and can count on one hand the number of times my kids have eaten them willingly. (The exception is my 2-year-old and onions. He loves cooked onions. I’ll take it.)

I never get enough sleep.

I love being awake, especially at night after the kiddos are asleep. I spend time with T, watch Schitt’s Creek on repeat, and read or write to my heart’s content. This means I usually only pull about six hours of sleep. By the end of the work week, I am spent. I get grumpy and lose my motivation to do much beyond the base requirements of being a functional adult.

I could probably keep going.

There are plenty of other things I improve upon; these are just the ones that flooded my brain right off the bat. I can get hung up on all the things I need or want to do better and that leaves me feeling like a garbage human. I try to remind myself of all the things I do well, so now that I’ve written this post, I’m shifting  my mindset back to positives.

Or maybe I’ll eat pie and go take a nap.